Who should make the first move in online dating
And yet those same men will sometimes act as Derek described above—labeling women who initiate as sluts—or, alternatively, simply won’t know how to react to an initiating woman.As Hugo Schwyzer, a senior professor of gender and women’s studies at Pasadena College in California, says: “Men often say that they have no problem with an aggressive woman, until they actually meet one—and find themselves confused.Some of those advances are not made with good intent, like the guys who shout gross comments at me in the street.Yet at the same time as that kind of deliberately invasive behavior is going on, there are also people of all genders trying to initiate real, mutual romantic relationships—often misstepping even when their partner is receptive, and often experiencing very sad rejections.Just like any goal, or anything out of your comfort zone, it's great to say "I want this" and go for it.Even if it doesn't work out you'll feel proud of yourself, independent and fierce. Having the confidence to go up and make a move is such an attractive quality — and experts will be the first ones to tell you that. "Women with confidence don’t seek approval, or need any extra attention from others.
That difference suggests that 10 percent of men may be waiting quite a while for a woman to ask them out on a first date". It's not all about him — it'll make you feel great as well.
The only way to get rid of it is to ignore it, and every time you break traditional gender roles you're helping. My flatmate and I are constantly encouraging each other to be more assertive or proactive ("BE SASSY! It's so easy to sit around and wait for something to happen, but it's also boring.
If you want to go and do something, do it— and that includes dating.
♦◊♦ Men are usually handed the social responsibility of initiating dates or sexual encounters, while women usually get the social responsibility of appearing attractive and open enough to convince a man to say something.
The awesome data-crunching blog for the dating site OKCupid notes that men send nearly four times as many introductory messages as women. Debby Herbenick, a research scientist at Indiana University and author of In other words, women often work hard to send approachable signals first, but it’s men who are expected to express overt interest.
If you ask someone out, or get a little flirty, no one is going to think you're crazy or a monster or anything.