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This section is for our beloved senior citizens who have reached an age that these jokes now have real meaning! " "Naw, she can't cook too well." "Does she have lots of money? Poor as a church mouse." "Well, then, is she good in bed?We have all achieved the aches and pains, as well as the wisdom, of growing older! Go to our funny stuff index for a complete listing of all the humor categories Know how to prevent sagging? Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. " "I don't know." "Why in the world do you want to marry her then? " It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. " before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.Just a line to say I'm living, That I'm not among the dead Though I'm getting more forgetful And something's slipping in my head; I got used to arthritis, To my dentures I'm resigned. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 23. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? " He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.I can manage my bifocals, But oh, how much I miss my mind. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. A .00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff." 21. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate her instead of asking "How did that Happen!!?! You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old self 1. Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy.On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown." A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married? Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup." A young man was giving an old timer a hard time about not being able to remember anything. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.The Old man replied "Sonny boy I have forgotten more than you will ever learn". You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. An elderly man, from Georgia, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
Ward arrived as well, and we are now Uncertain which one is your husband's. "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's, and The other one tested positive for AIDS. " "The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off Somewhere in the middle of town. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. ' 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. You answer automatically when someone addresses you "Old Timer." You burn your midnight oil after p.m.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls home and screams at her dad, "You are NOT getting divorced. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares... I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 years ago today! You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
I flushed it just in case I had And sat down just in case I'd not. There's no need for getting sore It may be that I think I've written And don't need to write no more. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you? You think humor must be good for your body, exercise and diets haven't worked well. A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.