Perils of dating most intimidating lines
And then she observed what types of women messaged those fake men.This way, she could systematically size up her competition.declared it socially acceptable to meet your mate on the Internet.“Online dating, once viewed as a refuge for the socially inept and as a faintly disrespectable way to meet other people, is rapidly becoming a fixture of single life,” wrote Amy Harmon in a 2003 piece charmingly titled “Online Dating Sheds Its Stigma as ” According to a 2010 survey of recently married people, dating sites were the third most common way that these couples met.(The survey was commissioned by ) Today, one-third of America’s 90 million singles have used an online dating site.I’ve lost count of the number of times people have asked me, “Have you tried Ok Cupid?Whether it’s yet another style-section trend piece or a shame-tinged confession that we’ve signed up for Match.com, we have yet to get collectively comfortable with the idea of looking for love online. These portals not only present the whole human grid of desire and stimulation but make that grid real and attainable, nonvirtual, bounded only by the limitations of curiosity and imagination,” Slater writes in his chapter about the proliferation of niche dating sites. Online dating lays bare the sexual economy in which some people (namely tall, white, wealthy men) are guaranteed winners, and others (black women, older women, short men, fat people of all genders) have a tougher time.Although 30 million have dabbled with online dating, that number is surprisingly low for something that ten years ago was supposed to be a “fixture” of singledom. Perhaps decades of Hollywood plotlines that have programmed us to look for love at the crowded party or the local dog park have dampened the thrill of finding a perfect match with a few keystrokes. While it’s true that these dynamics exist offline, too, online dating makes it easy to eliminate whole categories of people by checking a few boxes.
Both Slater and Webb show (directly or indirectly) the problem with dating sites: they reduce people to their photos—followed by some hard numbers about age, weight, and income—so it’s no wonder online dating mirrors offline sexual dynamics.“My goal in this experiment wasn’t just to observe other women on JDate,” Webb writes.“It was to understand them deeply enough so I could model their behavior.And it’s further complicated by the propensity of online daters to lie about their age or profession or marital status. “Algorithms that dating sites have spent millions of dollars to refine aren’t necessarily bad.They’re just not as good as we want them to be, because they’re computing our half-truths and aspirational wishes.” Webb doesn’t make any value judgments about this fact of online-dating life, but it seems hard to deny that the amount of game-playing involved—and not just for singles who take it as far as she does—puts a damper on the experience for many. In a payoff worthy of Nancy Meyers movie, Webb meets and marries the man of her dreams, a witty, sexy ophthalmologist who also loves to travel and wants two children.