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High expectations happen outside New York too, says Nicole Ellison, a professor at the University of Michigan who specializes in computer-mediated communication, including online dating.The expectation for perfection emerged back in her 2010 study called “Relationshopping.” “[Online dating] potentially encourages this mindset of, ‘All I have to do is go through enough profiles until I meet the perfect person,'” says Ellison.They are fatigued from going on a lot of dates without finding the right person—unsurprising since many are looking for “perfection that obviously doesn’t exist,” she says.New York men are also picky in their own way, according to Michelle Frankel, founder of NYCity Matchmaking, a full-service boutique matchmaking company that’s not affiliated with Match Group.“We are actively looking for LGBTQ coaches,” says Hosseini, who adds that they don’t have any yet.“That’s still a gap for us, but a lot of focus in filling that gap.” Match recruits coaches for gender, ethnic, cultural, and other diversity as well, he says.Now Match (formerly Match.com) is seizing on the IRL phase of courtship, branching beyond algorithms to provide its own dating coaches. The coaching—typically over the phone—is included in Match’s standard subscription, which averages around per month, depending on how long people sign up for.“This is the first time a dating app is going beyond just a first date, to stick with our members and help them be successful,” says Hesam Hosseini, who took over as Match CEO in January 2018. Four months into the program, Match has identified some overriding concerns and trends among its subscribers, which it shared exclusively with By adding coaching, Match is pursuing the very aftermarket that it and sister services owned by IAC subsidiary Match Group helped create—but at a steep discount.
“We know New York City-based women are more likely to call about dating fatigue than the rest of us,” says Wilson.
“When the personality is a fit, not only do they excel, they actually love their work.”Match wouldn’t tell me how many coaches it has, aside from saying that it hired a dozen last month and plans to quadruple its staff by the end of the year.
Technically, Ask Match is an unlimited service, at no extra charge, but that could change if subscribers actually start utilizing it without limits.
But a few special concerns are emerging among LGBT clients.
They’ve had more trouble finding other relationship-minded people in the real world, says Wilson.
Tinder currently tops all the dating app rankings and has been the dynamo of Match Group, which overall grew both total revenue and average subscribers by about 18% over the previous year, according to the company’s latest quarterly earnings report. A new study by Stanford University and University of New Mexico researchers (based on a national survey from 2017) found that online has outstripped other ways to meet, like introductions by friends or real-life flirting. But algorithms haven’t fixed human vulnerabilities, misperceptions, and bad habits. “This sounds crazy, but we get people who say, ‘I need help flirting.